Some days I dream about sleep.
Sleep is like this magically elusive concept that I hear about but haven’t seen in years. Sleep is for people without children.
I remember when my boys were infants and getting up in the middle of the night with them for feedings. Some nights were hard and the last thing I wanted to do was crawl out of bed to the tune of a screaming baby. But I also remember those nights were special moments between me and my children. Listening to my son’s breathing while I held him in the dark, slowly rocking him back to sleep. I remember getting to see several sunrises that I normally would never have seen. I remember feeling overcome with love and feeling like a mom for the first time in my life. No one can take those memories from me.
Now that my boys are older I find myself going without sleep but for other reasons. Reasons like participating in their events such as sports and scouting. But it is still worth it because we are creating memories. I would rather miss a little sleep than miss one minute of their childhood.
I don’t want to miss those talks with my boys.
They like to sit on the edge of my bed when they are coming to say goodnight. They tell me about their day or they tell me about their dreams in life. These are the moments when I get to know them as people. They aren’t my little babies anymore. My children are growing up and I am getting to know them in a different way. They don’t need me as much for everyday things but they need me for guidance through life’s battles and journey’s.
So, when I start getting really tired I try to remember the reason I am tired in the first place. Those two boys. They are my life and my world.
If I must lose a little sleep to make sure they get that special breakfast before going off to scout camp for a week I will. Because I know that week they are gone I will be bouncing around the house feeling lost and lonely. If I have to lose a little sleep to stay up listening to their worries about school and friends, I will.
I need these moments as much as they do. These memories are special because they are so grown-up already and I won’t have them close much longer.
I know I will be able to catch up on my sleep one of these days.
I just don’t want it to be too soon. So, for now I will be sleep deprived but I will be happy and grateful for the time I have with them.